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When To Understand That You Need A Relationship Counsellor

Relationships are not simple or straightforward. They are in fact quite complicated because they involve the feelings, behaviours, and opinions of two people merging together. If you have reached a stage where your relationship is not making you feel good anymore, then here is something to consider.

A leading relationship psychologist, Dr John Gottman, surveyed more than 20,000 couples and argues that the average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems. 

You can read more about Gottman’s findings here. In the article Managing conflict: Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems

He has also concluded that over 69% of conflicts with your partner are unsolvable. These are called ‘perpetual problems,’ the problems that return over and over again no matter how many times you think you’ve put them to bed. Most couples have them, you may even be thinking of something now. These ‘perpetual problems exist’ and arise due to the differences in lifestyle and personality traits between partners. 

Imagine you and your partner are on a ship at sea that is sinking. 

Something needs to be done urgently, or the ship will go down, but you both disagree on how to save the ship. Each of you has a different firm beliefs on how to go about this problem. But whilst you both are arguing about who’s plan is better or who is right, the ship is descending, and time is running out. Despite your differences, ultimately, you both share the same intention: to stop the ship from sinking. This shared goal should guide your actions. There may not be an easy compromise or solution. Instead of going round and round in circles trying to solve these problems, focus on being able to sharpen your ability to empathise, listen and hold space for differences and the sooner you can work on saving that ship.  

Relationship Counselling Is To Provide You With The Correct Tools To Succeed


A relationship counsellor can help provide couples with the tools and the space to start working on those skills. Coming to terms or having to consider relationship counselling can be overwhelming. It is a big step to take to get help from a third party, but it is a positive one that will plant the seeds for a healthier relationship. 

Here are some signs that may indicate that it’s time to consider relationship counselling:

Frequent arguments: Arguments are normal in relationships but conflict that continually escalates may indicate deeper issues. Especially If you keep arguing about the same things without any resolution, seeking relationship counselling may prove valuable.

Communication is breaking down: Communication is so vital in a healthy relationship, if we feel we can not voice our concerns or feelings to our partner or when you both do communicate it proves to be destructive rather than productive, then these are signs that you may benefit from seeking a relationship counsellor. Negative communication can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment towards our partner. A relationship counsellor will help provide effective communication strategies to improve dialogue and understanding within the couple.

Lack of trust: Alongside communication, trust is important in a relationship. The two really go hand in hand, trust is built during a relationship through communication. It poses a problem for the people involved if trust has been broken, whether someone has been unfaithful or other complicated circumstances. Or perhaps there are lingering trust issues from past relationships that are affecting your current one. Either way, a relationship therapist can help couples better understand why there is a lack of trust and how to re-establish that trust again.

Major life changes: Big life changes can drastically change the dynamic of your relationship. Whether it be becoming a parent, moving house, a new job, loss of a loved one, health or financial issues, these events can be difficult to handle ourselves let alone as a couple. Relationship counselling can help you with coping with the stress of life changes together.  

Parental conflict: Becoming parents is a wonderful blessing, but it also means the focus of your attention and effort shifts and is tunnel visioned on your child. Your relationship is no longer the centre of your attention anymore, and the difficulties and differences that come with parenting can cause conflict. Relationship counselling can improve communication and establish effective co-parenting. 


Consider Relationship Therapy From Experts To Support Your Journey


If you feel your relationship could benefit from relationship therapy, then don’t hesitate to contact My Solution Welling. We have an experienced team of relationship counsellors who are understanding and empathetic. 

You can read about relationship counselling under our website’s ‘services’ section.  

Written By Ria Kaur 



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By MSWB Team on 20/02/2024 in Resources

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