Click4Assistance UK Live Chat Software

Start typing and press enter to search

Trust – The Relationship With yourself and Others

Is trust holding you back?

Some people find they yearn for a deeper more meaningful relationship but at times trust holds them back.

The great news is, it doesn’t have to be this way.

The problem may lie with yourself, you may be unfortunately getting in the way of your own happiness and positive relationships.

Sometimes our past experiences hinder our future ones. We are only human after all and when an emotion gets triggered by something or someone, our brain remembers the same emotion and links it to an experience we had. Sometimes positive sometime however, an interaction is linked to a negative emotion. We then fall into a thinking bias for example catastrophising, mind reading, fortune telling, black and white thinking, over generalising and then the feeling thought is heightened.

Trust is the foundation of relationships – Relationships are based on trust.

When you don’t trust others you are depriving yourself of human connection and authenticity. You may already know you ‘find it a challenge to let someone in’. You might have even once felt safe sharing the hopes and dreams but not anymore. Most of us have been disappointed after letting our guard down. Some have picked ourselves up, others have build a wall or run in the opposite direction. Soon that wall gets bigger and bigger and we forget how it all started.

We use the words, once bitten twice shy, or only trust your family, or we may even question ourselves and ask how do I trust again?

Most times however, it’s that we don’t trust ourselves, to make that decision to trust someone. Simply put it means “ I don’t trust myself. ”

We put up a protection or a wall that stops us from opening up about how we feel. For fear of rejection. Sometimes we talk about someone else’s behaviours to avoid talking about our own pain and suffering. A way of avoiding feeling those unwanted feelings is to project those feelings onto someone else.  What we mean by that is that we label others as unwanted, out to get you, insincere or untrustworthy so that you don’t have to feel those emotions ourselves.

For example, if you feel unloved, uncared for, you may say something unkind to someone else. A person is projecting their own feelings onto someone else. The responsibility therefore is now on the other person holding the resentment, anger guilt etc and trying to figure out what he or she has done. The ability to trust yourself is to set and have clear boundaries with the other person when ‘projective views‘ are thrown at you.

Simply put if you project onto others and identify behaviours in them, it means you could may well doubt your own ability to have faith in yourself your views, thoughts and feelings. You have to understand your inner world and your triggers.

Obviously there is more to this, and this is where counselling can support you to explore the deeper areas of this trust. If your feelings weren’t validated when young, by those that cared for you, you may find it a challenge to trust anyone else as your own feelings weren’t validated as a child. You expect others to let you down and not keep to their word. After all if caretakers, parents, loved ones and the very people who are supposed to love us unconditionally betrayed us, why wouldn’t anyone else?

How to Build trust in yourself?

  • Accept we are all human and all make mistakes
  • Change what you can in yourself and listen to others with intent, not with a view to respond
  • Be aware of you projecting feelings onto others that you don’t want to deal with yourself
  • Seek support to leave the past in the past, each relationship and friendship is different and individual
  • Manage time. Trust means not expecting instant gratification. Waiting for a job offer, or an answer to a favour. Sitting with the feelings of sadness instead of texting, calling, going into panic mode or unhealthy ways of keeping your mind occupied. Try to find healthy ways in the waiting period.
  • If someone does betray you or compromises your trust , know that you can sit with the feelings of anger rage and know that you will be ok and be safe and strong in your own skin.
  • Others cannot ‘ get you ‘ if you don’t ‘get yourself ’

By MySolutionWellbeing on 03/05/2019 in General

Contact us today for an appointment.

Contact Us
Scroll to Top