Secrets to a Good Relationship

So how do we hold down a relationship or continue a positive long term relationship? That question has become more complicated over the last 10 years.

Recently a friend of mine ended his relationship after 5 years with his long term partner. He spoke about how sad and low he felt with the ending of his relationship. He stated that he now felt alone and it would be a while before he would date again. I advised him to give himself time to heal and recover from his broken relationship and find himself again.

One month had passed by and I meet up with my friend to have chat. He seemed excited about the new dating app he had joined to meet new women. He spoke about the two dates he had last week and how he wasn’t sure if they were the one.

This story might sound familiar to some of us when coming out of a long relationship. We don’t give ourselves time to heal from our past relationship. Healing is a process which will build our confidence and also support us to work out who we are. I call it “time out and me time “which is so important to take before you start a new relationship.

With every relationship that ends, we come out feeling vulnerable. We may not know it but if you been in a relationship for more than two years, life’s changed a lot since you first began your relationship and people have moved on.  You may have neglected your friends and focused on your relationship? If you have then, the rebuilding of friendships need to start again.  You may feel lost for a while because the ex-partner who you text every morning and night or spoke to is no longer in your life. This has now left a massive gap or void in your life where you will feel vulnerable. That gap has to be filled with family and friends, so you can heal.

Now that you are on your own, what do you plan to do? I would advise strongly is to invest in yourself to heal. Reconnecting with all family and friends, spending less time at home, get into the gym, start a new learning course, join local clubs or groups to keep busy, access therapy. Whatever you do, make sure you don’t spend too much time on your own otherwise you run the risk of losing yourself in your negative thoughts. Plan your week and make sure you’re seeing friends and family regularly.

So, a common question is how long does it take to get over someone? Simple answer is how a long is a piece of string? Depending on your relationship and how much of your emotions were invested then the time varies for everyone. When you first break up with someone, you might think about them every minute of the day, a week later you might think about them every two minutes, a month later you might think about them once every hour. Maybe six months later you might think about them once a day. As time goes on, time will support you to heal. Forgiving that person if you feel they did you wrong is an important aspect to moving forward. When you truly feel from the heart you have forgiven your ex-partner then you have started the healing process. It’s important to remember that true forgiveness comes from the heart not from words, if you feel it then you’re ready to forgive.