How Trauma Shows Up In Relationships

Trauma! That horrible, lasting feeling that clings to you and takes over your life as if you haven’t suffered enough, and now it could be taking over your relationship!

Dealing with your trauma can be an everyday struggle, and sometimes what you think is just “some trust issues” or “Sorry babe I’m just a bit moody today”, can actually be a trauma response or sign of one. Because you end up dealing with your trauma every single day, some of these trauma responses can end up seeming completely normal. Without realising, it can be taken out on your partner, or you can begin to neglect the relationship because of how much the trauma is affecting you.

Trauma may appear in the thoughts and feelings you have about both yourself and your partner.

Your thoughts and feelings might be quite negative and affect how you see yourself and your partner and maybe lead you to constantly feel irritated and triggered in your relationship. Trauma can mess with your emotions, bring on feelings of sadness and anger, and even mood swings, leading you to lash out at your partner and occasionally lose control of your emotions. Maybe you love your partner, but for some reason, you feel disconnected from them, or things that should be really simple and easy actually feel quite hard to do in the relationship. In these moments, everything might seem a little bit foggy, and it can be hard to tell if the relationship isn’t working if it’s something your partner is doing that you’re not happy with, or if it is just a result of your trauma.

Check in with yourself! Sometimes, we forget just how much our minds are connected to our bodies, so if your thoughts aren’t telling you what’s going on, your body will somehow! Start paying attention to your body and what it might be telling you. This could help you become more aware of how your trauma is affecting you and your relationship.

By Eva Domingos, a counsellor at My Solution Well-being.

Nottingham@mysolutionwellbeing.com T: 0115 648 7912